They don't GET IT in the South

So being in SC for a week really shed some light on what I thought and really have known all along. Detroit sucks balls. I actually read this long article that Mitch Albom wrote about Detroit as I was making my way in the air to honkeytonkland.

Mitch is chatting up the fact that, in Detroit, we all help eachother out, do the right thing, support the city, etc. I think this could not be further/farther from the truth. And I realize this is espcially true after being in the south for just 5 measly(sp?) days.

No one gives a rat's ass around here. I was at Meijer's today and a man rammed his cart into my heel. I turned around to see what kind of idiot would do such a thing and the guy mumbles, "Move." MOVE?! I am in a check out lane, jackass. When the chick in front of me checks out, I'll move myself. In the meantime, read about Oprah's lingering cocaine addiction in the Enquirer.

The last round of 9 inches of snow and I go over to a neighbor's house to help her shovel. She's all by herself w/o a snow blower. I can't even drag our snowblower over there so I take our bent in half snow shovel and try to make it work. You'd think she would thank me. Instead, she tells me how her husband and 3 college kids are inside laying on the couch watching TV. "They just ate lunch and they get real bad stomachaches if they launch into moderate exercise right after eating." Sheezuz.

In SC, I am at Wal Mart and a woman grabs me by the arm, and says, "Well, bless your heart, sweetie. You're here shopping without a warm winter coat on. You know you should pick one up while you're here. Weatherman says it's gonna hit 45 tomorrow."

And the employees actually help you. If you need something like WD40 they don't pull the famous Detroit line, "I have no idea what you're talking about. You're probably gonna have to go somewhere else for that."

I summed it up when I hit the check out and the cashier asked to see my license to verify I wasn't committing fraud with someone else's credit card (at home I have never been asked to show ID).

Cashier: "Oh, so you're from MI, huh? What's it like there?"

Janko: "It's actually quite depressing. The city is a burned out mess. Busted out houses, prostitues selling crack on nearly every corner and most people carry a gun. You have to. It's for your own good, you know."

Cashier: "Geez, my mama always told me it was nasty in the D. What do y'all do for fun?"

Janko: "Well, drag racing is really big. So is car jacking. And you can ice skate at a little rink downtown but they play shitty music and the skate rental is horrible. Laces are all torn and the skates themselves smell. REAL BAD."

Cashier: "Well, gurl you need to get yourself down here. We don't have those problems. In fact, we're getting a new Olive Garden soon and rumor has it they're gonna stay open til 11 on Saturday nights.

Janko: "I wish I could get myself down here but I wouldn't be able unload my house. Basically, I'm pinched."

Cashier: "Don't you give up now, sweetie. I will say an extra prayer for you tonight. Look at it this way, you do have something to be proud of: Aretha Franklin and Kid Rock."

Janko: "Right. That makes everything worth it."

As for Mitch, I think he's a great writer but his last commentary really missed the mark. Maybe he needs to spend some time OUT of Detroit and see what it's all about.

It's even been some time since Aretha was getting respect. Now you see her on the news and they all comment on her diet and how she was caught walking out of a BK with 3 whoppers in hand. Shit ain't right, people.