The Liberry Can Suck It

We were early for Miss Beverly and Her Music Machine. By about 20 minutes. Any mom or dad of a young kid knows those 20 minutes can go south real fast. They can be brutal. Here we are at the library looking for a way to kill those 20 minutes. The puppets and stage and aquarium ain't cuttin it. The computers for the older kids are always a hit for my 22 month old, but the librarians shoot nasty ass faces at me if I let her google shit, etc.

So we start to make our way to the lobby for this FREE 45 minute class for 2 and 3 year olds. There have to be 150 people just piled in. No sign of organization, no sign of any library workers ushering the greggs and their kids in. So we wait. But I'm on borrowed time. And I'm starting to think it's cow dung that we can't at least go into the room where Beverly and her banjo are sitting. When we finally get up to the front of the line and are 3 steps from walking into the room, a woman with a clipboard asks me for my confirmation number.

Here we go, people. Yet another showdown.

Clipboard Lady: Hello there, I need your conf # please.

Janko: Yes, I recd a confirmation #.

Clipboard Lady: Okay, well what is it then?

Janko: Seriously? I wa ssupposed to bring it with me? The instructions did not say to do that. It was LGX45971PT I think.

CL: Okay, as she scrolls down her clipboard. I believe I have you on here. Now please give me your child's conf #."

Janko: To register for the class we had to use our library card. So I signed myself up but she (holding Katherine and moving her closer to Clipboard Lady)doesn't have a library card so I didn't sign her up. I mean, she's only 22 months old. What child at that age has a card?

CL: Clearly, you did not follow the rules for registration so I need you to stand against this wall. Once I sign in the rest of the attendees - all 167 of them - I will let you know if we have room for your little one.

Janko: Okay, so basically I am able to get into those Music Madness show but my kid can't? Does this really make any sense? I would attend the show and leave my child out in the hallway?

CL: Please step back and get against that wall. With your daughter.

Janko: Katherine says in a voice as clear as day to the Clipboard Lady - "I hit."

CL: We are going to need you to keep her away from the other kids if you actually make it inside. We find once one child exhibits voilent behavior many other children choose to display inappropriate behavior as well. We would not want her to sabotage Beverly's show.

Janko: No, she just says that but she can control herself. I always keep a close eye on her. Now Katherine leans in and says, "I burp. Scooze me!"

CL: Mam, there are about 75 people waiting to get checked in behind you. PLEASE step aside.

Janko: So do you think we'll make the cut? Cause if our chances are slim to none I'll blow outta here right now. No sense in standing aroiund when I could be back home getting dinner ready, you know?

CL: Just get away.

As I walk away I start getting really steamed. Total bullshit that they allow so many kids in this program. Such bullshit that you need to bring in your conf #. Who the hell brings that when they don't tell you to. As I look around, I see a sea of dirts. All itchin to get that front row seat right next to the banjo.

F the banjo. I don't need this crap. I have a ukelelea my sister bought Andrew about 5 years ago. So we tear outta there and I walk ini the house, head for the basement and start ripping strings on the ukelelea.

And the damn kid squares off and hits me.