It's not about speed, it's about endurance

If you know me well, you know I hate to sweat. It really bothers me. But I realize now I need to sweat here and there. I must exercise. So over the last several months I have been trying my damndest to run.

I went online, googled "5k training for lazy asses" and found an 8 week training course which could get me off the couch and into a race. I religiously got up in the dead of winter 5 days a week and ran at 6 AM. This is a real milestone for me. I did it and dammit, I am proud.

I also ran in (2) 5ks this summer. I was real slow and steady. I even let the 95 pound man waving a 6 foot american flag and singing Lee Greenwood's "Proud to be an American" pass me by. It was embarassin but it had to be done. And when I finished my first race, I nearly collapsed on the pavement. Seriously, the last mile was a blur. The people around me were fuzzy. All I could see was a Dunkin Donuts which I believe to this day pulled me through.

Now I know my training method was nothin spectacular, but I figured it had to be allright - shit it was on the internet.

Well, tonight was the first night of Running Club. I was nervous to join, but being a stay at home mom, I need that light at the end of the tunnel. You know the one that says, "Tonight, after making beds, doing laundry, vaccuuming, driving your kid to and from the comic book store that's a half hour away AND making dinner, you are GETTING out." And those words kept me charging forward all day.

So I showed up and we all introduced ourselves. We also had to provide a brief overview of our prior running experiecnce. I kept mine to a minimum (unlike chatty Paul, one of the coaches). I also wanted to be real and admitted I am a cooped up SAHM and I feel like a crazy bitch sometimes so I need to exercise.

So we started running. It's this run/walk approach, which I have never done. The training I did preciously included running like an asshole for as long as I could.

Well, wouldn't you know sweet ass Paul (one of the coaches) corners me half way into the run tonight. He weaves in and out of the other greggs to get his two cents in on my previous approach.

It goes somethin like this:

95 pound Paul: "You know last week I ran 55 miles and I never got hung up on how fast I ran."

Janko: "Yeah, well I wouldn't either, man. The fact that you clocked thay many miles is yo yo unbelieveable."

Paul: "So you do understand this is not a race. This is about endurance. It doesn't matter how fast you go. It's about pushing your body to continue for longer and longer."

Janko: "Right, but I do believe they have clocks at the end of each race so you can see how you did. Did you ever notice those, Paul?

Paul: "I have my own watch. It's located between my ears. I run according to what my bod is telling me. You need to stop worrying about your speed and listen to what's going on between YOUR ears."

Janko: "Right,Paul. The last time I was able to concentrate or focus on something for more than 10 seconds was in 2002, before I had my 1st child, Paul. Life was simpler than. Nobody crying and moanin except the jackasses at work. Now I spend my time strategizing on how I can spend my days entertaining my two kids. What's gonna make them happy? What's gonna make them fight? Cause if they start fightin and shooting and shit, Paul, it's all she wrote for me. Then my husband walks in and wonders why I'm not shizznitted out and happy to see him."

Paul: "How old are your kids?"

Janko: "20 months with a bad ass attitude and a 6 year old that never allows more than 5 seconds of dead air."

Paul: "Can you put them in a double stroller and exercise with them?"

Janko: "So, Paul, I think you're missin the whole point here. I joined this running debacle to get AWAY from my kids. I need to CLEAR MY HEAD, man. And besides that, the weight in that stroller would be nearly 100 pounds."

Paul: "Precisely, then there's no way you could be a speed demon. If you focused on speed you would die with those two in the basket."

The running comes to a close and he follows me to my car. Here's the closing thought for the night:

Paul: "You know, your whole approach needs to change. You are going to sicken the group. I noticed a few people playing close attention to you. You're influential and I want to make sure we're all on the same page with this. I want to get your email so we can talk about this more OFFLINE and away from the group. And I don't want to see you speeding down Tienken or Adams in the next few days. I frequent those roads and I WILL pull over and give you a stiff talking to. Now gimme your email. I can tell you're gonna be my challenge."

I told Paul I don't have an email address. In fact, I told him I don't even own a computer. I used one at work and was never real impressed so why would I have one at home. Plus, there is a lot of dirty stuff floating around on the internet. I even dropped the words cyber sex.

Then I came home and had a big bowl of ice cream.

Man, I love this running club.