Just Don't Answer the Door, Stacey. It's that easy.

Grand advice from Toad.

In the last month, I have had the following solictors ring my bell:

-->hungry howies offering a free small cheese pizza if i buy 10 at regular price. but i have to call right now and order the 10 pizzas.

-->a plastic siding company that can spray my house with rubber and seal it up so i never have to paint it again. the rubber will last at least 26 years. not even golf size hail balls can chip it. i can even transfer the warranty to the next poor soul who buys the pad.

-->two degenerates pushing an italian eatery i wouldn't send my mother in law to.

-->a window salesman that needs me to allow him to quote all new windows because he gets $3 for every homeowner that agrees to this.

-->a pothead/dopesmoker who claims he is going to single-handedly clean out all of the sewer systems in Michigan because when we pour old frying oil down the drain it is killing our minnows in the great lakes. I just need to sign his petition so he can protest in front of Jenny Granmole's office window.

-->a 14 year old from mobile alabama that quizzed me on his presentation skills and dressing abilities. then he wanted me to buy magazines to send to 3rd world countries. the recipients can't read, but they like to stare at the pictures he tells me.

-->a "tar and roofing specialist" that wants to put a new roof on the house - even though we just did this 3 years ago and it needs to be replaced every 20 years.

-->and the best one - the CE meter man that likes my weed wacker.

I want out of here. No wonder houses are getting robbed. These dirts are casing our houses out all day long.

I blame Kwame.