Mom, I never told you and you need to know

I put the weasels to bed over an hour ago. I plopped down on the couch to jump into my guilty pleasure - facebook, TMZ, etc.

And just when I think those sweetie pies are out for the count, I hear:

"Mom, I totally forgot to tell you this today and it' really important."

Me (THINKING): Awww shit. Don't even tell me that I need to pick up 3 dozen muffins for the Math Club tomorrow morning. Or, wait. Is tomorrow my day to help with the Math Centers? Cause I have nobody to watch Curly and Big Daddy can't be staying back to watch her. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Andrew: "Mom I was the only one to get 100% on my bragging paper today. THE ONLY ONE. This happens to also be a record breaker for the school. No one in the history of my school has ever done this before. I am the first one. This is a REALLY big deal. You see Jack didn't get 100% because he screwed up the triangle. I knew it belonged in the ten spot and not the 100s but he had no idea. Do you know what I mean, Mom? How some people think the ten spot is the same as the 100 spot?

Me (thinking): What the HELL is he talking about?! But I just keep smiling and nodding and giving a thumbs up cause the kid hasn't even taken a breath yet and it's clear he's got a lot more to say.

Andrew: "Then Julie thought it was okay to put the red where the green should be. I knew she was so wrong but I had self control and let her do her own thing."

Me (thinking): Is this kid in a dream? Again, what the HELL is he talking about?!

Andrew: "Then my teacher made this announcement to everyone in my class congratulating me on getting this 100%. I was so flamin hot excited Mom. It was like I was on this huge awesome roll and no one could stop me. Dad says sometimes he feels like that at work. Like he just nailed an important sale and no one can get him down. Not even his boss."

Me (thinking): "I am really happy for you breaking that record. You worked hard and it paid off. Keep up the great work and dedication. But now I really want you to get to bed."

Andrew: "This is why I got out of bed and told you this. I knew you would think it was really cool and I know this kind of news cannot wait to be shared. And I also wanted to tell you, next year could you sign me up for after school care? All you need to do is get a job and then I would have to go to after school care. I mean just work anywhere doing anything. After care is the best because you get another recess in addition to the one before lunch. And I talked to the teacher for it. She said the rates are really reasonable."