Stupid Parents Exist....Hell, They're My Neighbors

"Lady, you are a complete fool."

"I told my kids not to listen to anyone and do whatever they want."

As Colin Powell said, "Discipline is not easy and not liked."

"We all need to have common sense, people. Especially with our kids."

"I never chased your kid with a hockey stick. In fact, your wife assulated me three times on my chest. I should have taken the hockey stick and chopped her head off."

These are just some of the loving, sensitive comments I heard last night at our annual subdivision meeting. I have to admit I went because I knew the shit was gonna hit the fan and considering the lack of drama I have in my life, I needed to see it unfold. Or so I thought.

This is gonna be a long one so stick with me. Pay close attention. I'll try to detail the important stuff and "set the scene."

Our president has been accused of chasing young boys in the neighborhood with a hockey stick because they continue to "disrupt the wetlands" behind his house. They have been told on several occasions not to build forts out of sticks and concrete, float through the water in the top of a car top carrier and build a bridge to get to the "island."

He claims he's been civil and asked them to stop. But he snapped and couldn't take the backtalk he kept receiving so he saw a hockey stick laying in his yard and grabbed it and strated running toward them screaming. Before this all took place the kids had time to write "F You" in 20 ft letters in the snow in his yard.

When he mentioned he grabbed a hockey stick, I gasped. Thought the gasp for air would spice up the "discussion."

The kids ran like bullets back to their house. Ran inside and locked themselves in a closet. They apparently feared for their lives. But no one bothered to clue the au pair in. When the Pres finally got to the punks house, the au pair answered the door. The President thought she was the Mama and started yelling obscenities. (Good thing the au pair speaks German and no English.) She slammed the door on his face and called the REAL mama at work.

Real Mama was REAL pissed because she had to be dragged out of a very imBORtant meeting to deal with the matter. She called the Pres and they both screamed vulgarities for a few minutes and hung up on eachother.

Now the hood is all riled up. Parents are flipping their lid and no one feels comfortable taking their dog for a walk anywhere near the wetland and/or the President's house.

But it ain't right they say. We can should be able to use the wetlands. We pay our annual dues and we have the right dammit. If my kid wants to build a fort and he's not a civil engineer, leave him be. STEP OFF.

But the attorneys in the hood tell them if a kid is deprived of oxygen for more than 3 minutes (from drowning) we will all get sued and each resident will have to be upwards of $3k to pay for the kid's injuries.

So do we buy more insurance? Hell no. Cause more insurance won't do a damn bit of good. There are always loopholes. If they hire Feiger we're all going down.

Toad and I were absolutely disgusted. All I kept thinking was, "We need to put the crib up for sale. We live by morons." But we can't. We'll lose everything. So now I have to have yet ANOTHER conversation with Andrew explaining that dumbass people are everywhere - even down the street.

We ended up walking out and mumbling under our breath, "this is so sad. so disheartening. so PATHETIC."

But perhaps the best part about the whole situation is that the car top carrier is still there. The kids just left it. And we could use one. I want to go back there and nab it but I betcha the Pres went out last night and bought a rifle.